


Crazy=Genius

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captain America (Movies), Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, As usual in my fics, Asian Stephen Strange, Awesome Stephen Strange, BAMF Christine Palmer, BAMF Tony Stark, Hurt Tony, Infidelity mentions, M/M, Protective Stephen Strange, Racebending, Tony Being Tony, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 04:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13651869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: “I was wondering if you wanted to go to karaoke tonight,” she says and Stephen scoffs immediately.“Do I look like the type to get drunk and make a fool of myself?” he asks and Christine outright rolls her eyes.“No Stephen, but the point is to have fun not that any of us could possibly be unaware that you’re allergic to that,” she snaps back at him.“Its really not my thing,” he says in a far more polite tone.“Tony’s coming,” she says and Stephen abandons his book before she even finishes the sentence, shoving his chopsticks into his food and looking around for his coat.“Great, where are we going?” he asks and Christine rolls her eyes and shakes her head.





	Crazy=Genius

**Author's Note:**

> This was somewhat inspired by an impromptu karaoke trip I did with classmates a couple days ago. I thought it was a fun premise, and a friend had invited the Friend Group Hot Friend so I thought hmm, there's a story. And here's the totally different only vaguely connected version of the original inspiration lol.

Christine needed a night out. Maybe Stephen could study all the time and focus on nothing but his residency but she was slowly dying from a lack of social life so she decides to put together an impromptu outing. She was well aware that everyone had their own lives, but she figured if they were anything like her they could use the outing as well. To her surprise everyone she text responds quickly with an affirmative to going out and she smiles, deciding now it was time to get to the real challenge.

When she finds Stephen he’s got his head stuck in a medical text balanced on his leg with a box of ramen in one hand and the other half poised to his mouth to shove the noodles in. “Stephen, you’re going to get noodles all over that book,” she says in place of a greeting. Stephen, because he’s an asshole, doesn’t even look up from his book when he responds.

“What do you want, Christine?” he asks in that normal, bitchy tone of his. Wanda, who was sitting not far away, gives him an annoyed look. Christine would sympathize if she didn’t know Stephen better. He was undoubtedly a jerk, but he didn’t exactly mean to be one. That didn’t mean she liked dealing with his irritating and grating personality, but she was more willing to put up with if than others because she knew that he actually had a real personality in there even if it was buried deep under his own arrogance. That and he sometimes lent her his flash cards and they were an extremely useful study tool. Every troll had their use and all that.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to karaoke tonight,” she says and Stephen scoffs immediately.

“Do I look like the type to get drunk and make a fool of myself?” he asks and Christine outright rolls her eyes at that.

“No Stephen, but the point is to have fun not that any of us could possibly be unaware that you’re allergic to that,” she snaps back at him. He at least has enough shame to look properly cowed by this- a feat when Stephen refused to feel shame over anything.

“Its really not my thing,” he says in a far more polite tone. Judging from the look on Wanda’s face this wasn’t something anyone else was able to achieve, which also probably went a long way in Christine’s ability to put up with Stephen. She had no idea why really but he seemed to hold her in a higher regard than most. Whatever it was he saw she’d take it because Stephen was down right _wretched_ to people he disliked or dismissed.

“Tony’s coming,” she says and Stephen abandons his book before she even finishes the sentence, shoving his chopsticks into his food and looking around for his coat.

“Great, where are we going?” he asks and Christine rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“You know he’s dating someone, right?” she asks.

Stephen turns around and smiles, “they’re completely incompatible, its only a matter of time before they break up,” he says, clearly confident that he’ll be the replacement. Wanda rolls her eyes behind him and Christine covers her mouth to avoid laughing.

*

“I thought you said Tony was coming,” Peter says, giving Christine an annoyed look.

“We literally just got here, give the poor guy time,” she tells him, “and I’m not going to remind you all again that he’s dating someone.” The poor guy, she hadn’t anticipated that everyone she knew would decide he was the Hot Friend everyone wanted to get with. Especially not in regards to Stephen, who rarely showed interest in anything that wasn’t medicine or himself but low and behold he saw Tony and decided that was another one of his interests. Of course Tony was unavailable but Stephen was hardly deterred.

“For now,” Loki says and Christine decides she needs new friends.

“Don’t look at us like that, Tony _is_ hot,” Natasha throws in. “Bit of an ass for my tastes, but I’ll sit on his face and take one for the team,” she says and Christine lets out a noise of surprise but Natasha is shameless and looks impressed with herself.

“Its worth it,” Sam says, giving one of the microphones on the table a mournful look.

Peter pats his shoulder, “absolutely none of us are sorry that you were dumb enough to sleep with him and then not ask him out because it gives the rest of us a chance,” he says. Sam rolls his eyes and flips him off just as the door opens and Tony walks in.

“What’d Sam do?” he asks and Peter gives Tony a deer in the headlights look.

“He’s whining about some one night stand he had and that he regrets making it an actual relationship, which Peter reminded him was his own stupidity,” Christine says. Sam has slept with enough people that Tony probably wouldn’t guess they were talking about him specifically. Sam looks absolutely horrified that she’s told the truth though.

Tony shrugs, “yeah I feel that. Anyone want to be my dumb mistake tonight?” he asks but there’s a bitter undertone to his voice that Christine can _see_ Stephen think about. She considers smacking him because something was obviously wrong but Stephen steps away from her before she can do much.

“Is something wrong?” he asks with a shocking amount of empathy in his voice. He didn’t even talk to _children_ with that much kindness in his tone.

Tony rolls his eyes though, “well _apparently_ I never lived up to Steve’s stupid ex because he’s been cheating on me with him for like five months,” he snaps. Christine winces while the rest of the room minus Sam and Stephen lean forward with interest.

“What a bastard,” Stephen says, probably not faking his disgust there.

“Need some help getting over him? I’ve got ice cream,” Peter says eagerly.

“I’ve got booze,” Loki offers.

“I probably shouldn’t offer cocaine but that’s all I have,” Natasha says, frowning. Christine gives her a _look_ and she rolls her eyes at her, “I sell, not use. I’m not looking to ruin my own life,” she mutters. Christine thought she shouldn’t ruin others either but she left that alone.

Tony squints at them, “are you guys seriously trying to get into my pants right now?” he asks. “The hell is wrong with all of you?”

“Simpletons,” Stephen supplies, “though if you ever need assistance on how to kill someone slowly and painfully I _do_ have intimate knowledge of the human body,” he offers. Not that he’d ever follow through should Tony ask. Stephen was, surprisingly, a pacifist. Not something Christine had ever expected from someone so normally self-centered but once when he was drunk he confessed that he actually did care about people but had no patience for them, which somehow led to a long discussion that was mostly one sided about being a pacifist. Christine spent most of her night drinking to ignore him, which was for the best because he’d been pretty embarrassed in the morning.

His comment at least earns a small laugh out of Tony, who shakes his head. “I kind of already got my revenge by fucking up his motorcycle, spitting on his tooth brush, stealing the drain plug from the sink to make doing dishes a bitch, and ensuring his search history is all furry porn, My Little Pony fanfiction, and how to safely shove a foot up someone’s ass. And then gave the computer several viruses. So um, he probably isn’t impressed right now because he was supposed to meet Bucky but uh, he would have discovered his beloved fucking motorcycle is fucked by now. And there’s no proof it was me, obviously,” he says.

Stephen nods, acting impressed when Christine full well knew he frowned upon revenge plots, “you should have brushed the toilet with the tooth brush,” he says and Tony laughs.

“I thought about it but then I thought maybe I was being dramatic,” he says.

“Are you kidding me, I would have went Bobbit on his ass,” Natasha says and Tony winces, glancing down at his crotch in sympathy for some stupid reason. Men and their penises, it was like they were afraid they’d fall off at any moment.

“You know what, against all odds I’m siding with Natasha on this one. What a total _dick_. No pun intended,” Peter says.

Stephen gives them a horrified look, something he unintentionally syncs with Tony’s reaction, “you are very messed up people,” he tells them.

“Agreed,” Tony says.

*

Tony didn’t really expect to have a good time, he mostly only showed up to distract himself from Steve, but Stephen turned out to be secretly hilarious. Christine always complained that Stephen never let go of his medical texts and had no idea how to have fun but Tony had to admit that watching him sing Every Time We Touch in a ridiculously off key tone was hilarious. Clearly he knew how to have fun, Christine was just bad at getting him to do it.

What he expects less though is waking up in Stephen’s bed with a raging hangover, five missed calls from Steve, and several annoyed texts. Tony expects them to be about his fucking stupid motorcycle but he’s surprised and highly annoyed to discover he’s actually pissed about Tony’s social life. “What is that light?” Stephen asks, sitting up and looking highly disgruntled.

“We call that the sun,” Tony tells him, raising an eyebrow at him. Stephen glares at him for a moment before falling face first back into his pillow. He remains like that for several seconds before Tony scoffs softly and Stephen shifts. “What’s so interesting on your phone?” he asks.

“Steve,” he says. “Can you seriously believe this asshole has the _balls_ to be pissed off at me about me going to karaoke last night? And I uh… appear to have posted a bunch of pictures of us all singing to Twitter, but most of them are of me and you and I am _really_ embarrassed that I look that happy to be singing along to the fucking Jonas Brothers. Point is Steve is acting like he has a right to be pissed off and he definitely doesn’t.” As if he had a fucking leg to stand on in regards to what Tony did with his free and now single time. Fucking prick.

“Maybe you should remind him that he moved on long before you two even broke up. That should put a damper on his whining,” Stephen says. He pulls himself into a sitting position again and stretches a little, looking half dead. One side of his hair was stuck flat to his head and the other wise was absolutely _wild_ and Tony has to laugh because that was a much better focus than fucking _Steve_. He knew things were going down hill but he didn’t think Steve of all people would be so cruel he’d screw Tony over like that.

“Something tells me he’d make it my fault like he does with everything else. God, keep on this subject and I’m going to need to be drunk again,” he mumbles.

Stephen doesn’t look pleased with this and instead smiles when an idea obviously comes to him. “Well, I have a rare day off. If you want we could do something together,” he says.

Tony winces, not fond of morning after talks. One thing he wouldn’t miss about being in a relationship, he supposed. “This isn’t like… a serious thing. More like a rebound. No offense,” he adds even though he knows that was pretty offensive.

Stephen rolls his eyes though, “it wasn’t meant to be a date, it was meant to be a distraction. Besides, there’s this exhibit on the history of medicine I wanted to go see, might as well do that now,” he says more to himself than Tony.

“Way to put me to sleep, Strange,” he says and Stephen looks offended.

“I will have you know that the history of medicine is _very_ interesting!” he tells Tony. Tony had his doubts, but he goes with Stephen anyways, curious to see what Stephen was talking about.

*

“You did _not_!” Christine says, giving Stephen a disapproving look.

He rolls his eyes, “oh don’t look at me like that, you’d do the same,” he says. He knows damn well she wouldn’t but not everyone was as good a person as Christine.

“That is just selfish, Stephen. Even for you,” she adds.

“I’m wounded,” he says sarcastically. “And stop acting like I’ve done something terrible here in spending time with Tony, that hardly makes me a villain.”

“You intentionally took advantage of him in a vulnerable state to get in his _pants_ , Stephen. At best that’s ignorant,” she points out.

He rolls his eyes again because the idea of Tony Stark being some hapless waif was simply laughable. “I did _not_ and if you must know he’s not easily persuaded, he went home with me because he wanted to. And promptly told me in the morning that I was rebound sex so lets not act as if he wasn’t making his own decisions. Besides, I wanted to go see that exhibit on medical history and now I did, it wasn’t as good as I thought it’d be,” he says, nose wrinkling just a bit. Tony, unlike most, had found his correcting the person leading the tour around amusing even if he eventually dragged him off to save the harassed staff member from their humiliation. It wasn’t Stephen’s fault that they knew nothing.

Christine smacks her palm to her forehead, “and instead of planning out a proper date you just did something _you_ wanted to do and dragged him along to it. Why are you like this?” she asks more to herself than Stephen.

“One, it wasn’t a date it was a distraction and it worked very well. And two, _someone_ had to teach Tony medical history wasn’t boring. Actually medical history is more like an extended horror movie than anything, but the point is the history of body snatchers alone is absolutely fascinating. And now he knows that,” Stephen says primly, nose in the air.

“I can’t believe you ever dated this asshole,” Wanda tells Christine, her lightly accented voice showing clear signs of disgust. With _her_ dating history Stephen thought she shouldn’t be inclined to say anything at all but he was nice enough to keep her past out of it.

“Me either,” Christine says, earning an offended noise from Stephen. “Don’t look at me like that, it was always all about you and what you wanted and your ambitions and whatever else you decided was relevant to you that day. Don’t to the same to Tony,” she tells him, acting like that was actual advice.

“We have the _same_ ambitions Christine, it was _hardly_ like I discouraged you in anything you did and frankly I think we have _very_ different views of our relationship,” he says.

Christine rolls her eyes, “you would. Arrogance can’t spot arrogance.”

*

Tony felt like a total asshole for asking but he didn’t feel like going back to the apartment he shared with Steve alone and Stephen has been pretty nice so far. Probably because he wanted into Tony’s pants but technically he already got that so he felt there were no motivations now and Stephen had agreed. Bonus points for him only being available ridiculously late thanks to his crazy work schedule and that worked just _fine_ for Tony. The more he could do to make Steve’s life miserable the better and showing up at one in the morning to get his shit when Steve had trouble staying awake past ten pm because he’s a fucking _grandfather_ made Tony’s petty heart sing. He also suspected Stephen purposefully chose the time to be an asshole either knowing Tony was a night person or because he figured if Tony wasn’t he’d be willing to be to piss his ex off. He wasn’t wrong.

Steve, on the other hand, looks pissed about it. “You could have chose _any_ other time,” he snaps as soon as he opens the door. Tony goes to respond but its Stephen’s swift words that cut him off.

“Not if he wanted my help he couldn’t. I work late, residency is hard,” Stephen tells him in a clearly dismissive tone that suggests he cares far more about his own struggles than Steve’s. Tony tries to hide his grin unsuccessfully if Steve’s dirty look was any indication. He does step aside to let them in and Tony glances around, wondering how the hell Steve was going to afford this apartment without his income. Actually he couldn’t, which meant he was leaving too- probably at the end of the lease and boy was it going to be a bitch for him to find rent money until then. Fucking moron, it was his own fault too. Maybe he shouldn’t cheat in his partner’s bed.

“You smell like hospital,” Steve tells Stephen, wrinkling his nose and covering it with his hand.

Tony lets out a sharp laugh because he hadn’t even considered that and Stephen gives him a quizzical look. “He’s had bad hospital experiences,” Tony explains. Spent a lot of time sick as a kid so now he disliked hospitals with a passion- including the smell of them.

Stephen squints at Steve’s chest, “problems with the implants?” he guesses and Tony bursts out laughing, doubling over as Steve explains in an offended tone that he didn’t have _implants_. Stephen genuinely doesn’t look like he believes Steve, which makes it funnier. Eventually he gets himself together and leads Stephen to the remaining things in his bedroom. Rhodey had been nice enough to clear out most everything else but had no idea where to start here, which left Tony with it. Of course it was the _last_ place Tony wanted to deal with but he couldn’t fault Rhodey for not knowing what was what.

“Nice apartment,” Stephen notes. “Not something he can afford either, not with that wardrobe. Spent too much on those implants though at least they’re symmetrical,” he says.

Tony starts laughing again and shakes his head, “they’re not implants, and no, he can’t afford it. I paid rent and he decided that this was a good place to bring his mistress back to. Asshole,” he mumbles.

“Mistress? I thought Bucky was a guy,” Stephen says.

“He is but there’s no dude version of mistress so he gets stuck with the lady version,” Tony tells him and then directs him to the closet. If he noticed Steve’s wardrobe he’d have no problem determining what was Tony’s. Obviously he could tell brands apart from average clothing so that and you know, the obvious size difference between him and Steve.

“Clearly you have a type,” Stephen says, folding his clothing with more effort and efficacy than Tony ever would. Someone was a neat freak.

“Meaning?” Tony asks, stealing one of Steve’s stupid baseball trophies to burn later and throwing it in a box with a bunch of other stuff.

“Meaning at the least you like them tall. Race doesn’t seem to matter- you’re all over the map there, but Sam, Steve and I are all significantly taller than you,” he says.

Good point, and not something he thought of. “Pepper and Natasha too actually, guess I do have a type,” he says, surprised by this fact.

Stephen looks surprised too, “even the women you’ve dated are taller? Most men don’t care for taller women,” he says and Tony shrugs.

“Its hard to find one that isn’t at least the same height as me- I’m pretty short even if all the magazines lie. When I do photo shoots I’m usually standing on a box,” he says. Pepper found it endlessly annoying that Tony _always_ had to be portrayed as taller than her even though he wasn’t and he had to agree there. Any idiot with basic observation skills would see that the pictures of them in magazines didn’t line up with pictures of him beside her normally and not on a box. But whatever, men couldn’t be shorter he guessed. Stupid in his opinion even if he thought standing on boxes was fun. Pepper knocking him off the boxes so _she_ could stand on them was less fun, but being yelled at by the camera people to not mess around with the box was hilarious.

“So _that’s_ how they do it. I wondered- you’re like four feet tall. You’re like a tea cup human,” he says and Tony flips him off because he so was _not_ a tea cup human. Stephen just laughs though, “relax, you’d blend in perfectly with my family. They’re all small and adorable and I’m like fucking giant compared to them,” he says. “It doesn’t help that apparently the average height in Nepal is like barely taller than five feet,” he adds.

“Really? You must have got some weird stray gene because you’re a good foot taller than that,” he says.

Stephen nods, “6’2, much to the annoyance of literally everyone in my family. But it _does_ make me easy to find in a family reunion so it has perks,” he says, grinning.

Tony laughs, “at my family reunion its impossible to find anyone because they’re all more concerned about yelling in Italian and pasta,” he says. The pasta thing was more because, despite being Italian, not fucking one of them knew how to make the food right and it always resulted in an argument about who fucked up a food that was virtually impossible to fuck up. If Tony got stuck hosting anything, and he desperately avoided having to, he just got someone else to cater it to avoid the conflict.

“Your family argues about pasta? I would have assumed that was an Italian stereotype,” he says and Tony shrugs.

“Probably, but it’s the assumption that I’m in the mob or know someone who’s in the mob that gets me. And the pasta thing is more of a family in joke because we all suck at cooking. Food is important to Italians but apparently the skill on how not to burn the pasta skipped a generation of us,” he says. Literally every single one of them too- before Tony’s grandmother died she regularly reminded him and all his cousins that their inability to cook was a disgrace and he and all his cousins reminded her than after that time Tony almost blew up the kitchen and simultaneously over and under cooked the food she banned them from the kitchen. There was _lots_ of shouting in Italian that day. Apparently Nana couldn’t have been bothered to use English she was so offended.

Stephen snorts, “you get to be in the mob, I get a tiny penis. You’re winning,” he says and Tony laughs unintentionally. “Also what kind of Italian can’t make pasta? Actually scratch that what kind of _anyone_ can’t make pasta? You literally stick noodles in boiling water, its like the simplest food to make.”

“Sorry, that was just… blunt,” he says when Stephen gives him a dirty look for laughing at the penis comment. “If it makes you feel better people have a _thing_ with black men’s penises too. People have said some _weird_ shit to Rhodey that they never would have said to anyone else. Also if memory serves you don’t live up to the stereotype anyways. And _I’m_ the kind of idiot who can’t cook pasta; the fact that I’m Italian just makes it worse. My Nana used to curse me out in Italian all the time thanks to me bad cooking. I mean she’s dead now, which is sad, but I at least don’t have to hear her yell about my cooking skills anymore,” he says.

Stephen shakes his head and laughs, “your bad cooking killed your Nana,” he says and Tony makes an offended noise.

“Nana died of a heart attack, not my cooking!” he says.

“Your bad cooking gave your Nana a heart attack,” Stephen says and Tony goes to open his mouth and then shuts it.

“Actually you might have a point there. Shit, guess I should call the cousins and tell them we accidentally killed Nana. Poor woman, she didn’t ask for a bunch of incompetent Italian grandbabies but that’s what she got,” he says, shaking his head. At least he was fluent in Italian, none of the rest of his cousins were and that endlessly annoyed his Nana too. She complained about it to Tony because he was the only one who understood her. Needless to say once the Italian yelling started his cousins were lost and he wished he could share that fate because it wasn’t any more fun knowing what they were all yelling about.

“Would you _pack_ instead of _talk_ , I’m tired and I have to work in the morning,” Steve snaps, sticking his head into the bedroom. Tony considers for throwing that ugly baseball trophy at Steve’s head for a long few seconds before he drops it. He wanted Steve to suffer but he didn’t want to kill the man.

“You know what, you decided to fuck your mistress in _that_ bed, I will take as long as I damn well please and I don’t give a fuck if you have to work tomorrow, just go to bed, its not like I don’t know how to get out of the apartment, dumbass,” Tony says instead, rolling his eyes.

“Bucky isn’t a woman,” Steve says like _that_ was what was relevant here.

Tony rolls his eyes, “well there’s no guy version of mistress okay, that’s not my fault. And it was in _my_ bed. And those blankets are mine too, _and_ those pillows. You know what everything in this room except for your clothes is mine so how about fuck off,” he snaps, eyeing that mattress.

“There’s no way all this is fitting in my car, fair warning,” Stephen says and Steve has the _gull_ to look smug. Tony makes up his mind about that mattress immediately after that, and asks Rhodey if he could be a dear and clear out all the furniture with him tomorrow because you know _what_ , he _wasn’t_ going to be nice and let Steve keep the furniture, he was going to take it and donate it somewhere so that not cheating assholes could use it.

*

Stephen is bent over the wheel of his car laughing so hard he was having a hard time seeing straight. That was also undoubtedly because he’s been awake for nearly forty eight hours straight too but he couldn’t _believe_ how petty Tony was. “I can’t believe you managed to fit that mattress out the window,” he wheezes out eventually.

Tony is laughing too and looking like he was in a much better mood for it. “I’m a math genius and I was _pissed_ \- that mattress was getting through that window hell or high water, I don’t care that the math didn’t match up. I damn well _made_ it match up,” he says and Stephen starts a whole new round of giggles because the way Tony phrased it made it sound like he forced the math to work instead of finding a way to fit the mattress through the window that was mathematically possible.

“The look on Steve’s face when he walked in as you gave it the final shove,” he says through fits of laughter, “he looked like a confused American Eagle.” Tony doubles over laughing then too and they stay like that for a long time before they finally gain control of themselves.

“Thanks, by the way. This is an awful lot of trouble in your part just to get me in bed so I mean props to you, most ditch me after the first one night stand,” he says and Stephen frowns.

“Oh, if sex was my goal I assure you I would have kicked you put of my apartment when I found out you were still in it, trust me on that. Christine has reliably informed me that I’m rather rude but I don’t care. I came because I wanted to, and because I actually like you. You’re clever, and spontaneous, and curious- all traits I wish I found in more people. I don’t spend time with people I have no real interest in,” he says and Tony looks surprised.

“Oh,” is all he says and Stephen smiles.

“I know a place with fantastic burgers that’s open all night- pretty much all the residency students frequent it because we live off grease and hospital fumes but the food is good,” he says.

Tony grins, “I love a good burger,” he says.

*

Rhodey gives Tony a worried look and he ignores it, hoping to avoid The Talk but it comes anyways. “This is a bit soon. And by a bit I mean this is fucking _ridiculous_ ,” he says.

Yeah, yeah, he already got The Talk from Pepper, Christine- _both_ of them, Sam, and now Rhodey. “He wanted a roommate and I wasn’t about to move back home. It made sense,” he says. He had no idea how Stephen managed to afford his sweet Manhattan apartment but it was clear he paid rent on his own somehow. Tony suspected he invested in stocks- he was smart enough to do it right but he had no evidence to back that up. Regardless the view was _fantastic_ and he could deal with Stephen’s ridiculous watch collection given that Stephen gave him the better room. He preferred the smaller one because it had less windows and he didn’t like light shining on him when he slept. It disrupted his sleep and with his work schedule he needed to sleep when he had the chance. Which meant Tony was home alone a lot and he was fine with that.

“You literally just broke up with one person and now you’re shacking up with another- don’t look at me like that I see the googley eyes you make at each other when you think the other isn’t looking! Rebounds are fine, living with the rebounds are _not_ fine!” Rhodey tells him.

“We’re not dating Rhodey, relax about it,” Tony lies. Of course the moment that comes out of his mouth Stephen chooses to walk in, home from work obviously and looking exhausted like usual. When he sees Tony though he lights up a little and walks over enthusiastically, kissing Tony when he gets to him. He can’t just _not_ kiss him back because he just lied to Rhodey so he decides to deal with the consequences. It helped that Stephen was a _freakishly_ good kisser. He’s kissed a lot of people- like a _lot_ and Stephen blew them all out of the water. He had _skills_.

“Really?” Rhodey asks, giving Tony a _look_ as Stephen pulls away. Tony gives him a sheepish grin and a shrug.

“Really?” Stephen asks Tony in a questioning tone, raising an eyebrow as he moves around the couch and into the kitchen.

“I um-” he starts but Rhodey cuts him off.

“ _He_ said you weren’t dating and I’m assuming _that’s_ a lie,” he says, giving Stephen a death stare. Stephen remains unaffected thankfully.

“In his defense moving out of his ex’s house and into mine is absolutely insane and, on the outside, all but spells disaster in huge letters so I can see why he’d lie,” Stephen says. He considers his words for a moment, his face softening some as he does so, “but I do actually care about him. I rarely find people I don’t find instantly irritating and Tony is smart, and funny, and it helps that he’s hot,” he says, mentioning Tony’s looks for the first time since Tony has known him. Usually his looks came up in the first five minutes, and it was always the first thing people listed when talking about the perks of dating him. But even when Stephen chose to mention it two whole things came before it- and both were traits Tony valued about himself long before his looks. Which was why he was _here_.

Rhodey looks skeptical though, “just so you know I’ve done a lot of military training, I know how to make a body disappear and I am _not_ opposed to killing a man if necessary,” he says, voice hard.

Stephen makes a face, “than start with the _last_ Steve he dated,” he says and Rhodey whips around to face Tony.

“This one is named Steve too, what the hell?” he asks.

“Okay _first_ he goes by ‘Stephen’ _always_ so it’s not the same, and also its Stephen with a ‘ph’.” It totally made a difference, really.

“Stephen with a Ph _D_ ,” Stephen adds and Tony throws his head back to laugh but Rhodey looks unimpressed by the joke.

“I can’t believe this, I gotta call T’Challa to tell him about this white nonsense because this is some next level shit,” he says, shaking his head.

“I’m Nepali,” Stephen says, frowning at the suggestion that he could possibly count as white. To be fair Tony felt for him there but Rhodey was absolutely referring to Tony only.

“What do you mean _T’Challa_?” he asks, getting to the subject _he_ wanted to get to.

Rhodey looks a little guilty, “oh yeah, I uh… met the Prince of Wakanda a couple months back- had to represent the military and all that and I’m about ninety percent sure they only send me specifically because I’m black. And everyone hates Ross, but mostly the black thing. Which I totally resented and outted to him immediately because I was mad about it and uh, we hit it off. Turns out I’m little bit bisexual, surprise!” he says, waving his hands around and looking inexplicably nervous given that Tony was literally dating a guy and just got through a relationship with _another_ guy. Obviously he wasn’t going to give a shit about Rhodey’s sexuality.

“Great, can you introduce me to his sister Shuri’s work is fucking _incredible_ and I want to know how she managed to get the things to do the things,” he says excitedly. Not many people were better than him but Shuri could wipe the floor with his inventions. T’Challa was more on par with him, but he was vastly superior in inventions regarding any and all air travel while Tony was way ahead in clean energy. Shuri was ahead of everyone everywhere and he wanted to _learn_.

Rhodey looks unimpressed with this. “I tell you I’m dating a _Prince_ , which obviously means I am in a Disney movie, and you want to meet his _sister_? This is why you have no friends,” Rhodey tells him.

“Can we get back to the part where the Asian guy is somehow white nonsense?” Stephen asks, frowning.

“Not you idiot, Tony. You’re just regular nonsense,” Rhodey says dismissively and Tony bursts out laughing, shaking his head as Rhodey gives him another offended look.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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